cast aside

I lay cold, wet, cast aside,
That fateful night something inside me died,
A quiet, miserable passing,
From this world to another,
And now the need to be solitary,
took me over, I was wary,
to love and be loved again,
to cast aside the cold,
only with the warmth of another,
for whom the fever raged high and heavy,
to hold and be held,
to be cast aside yet again...

TCP (excuse the syntax)

Red earth, dry heat,
Warrior steps out,
Crowd claps a rhythmic beat,
King readies for the bout,

Bends low touches the dust,
Straightening out feels the gust,
of wind carrying the smell,
of fresh carcass and the sound of chiming death bell,

Acute senses and steady heart,
Lion comes into thick of things,
Crowd reacts with a start,
To every last ounce of bravery he clings,

What happens after is for another place and another time,
For as of now this wandering poet is out of rhyme.

Calangute Blues...

Left, after right,
prints in the sand,
walking over the promised land,
I look ahead,
But can't help looking back,
and a pattern repeats,
In my head and with my feet,
I look as far back as a I can,
As far as a solitary man,
Can without losing his mind,
his identity and turning blind.

The prints are numerous,
They leave and then return,
But i never learn,
Two sets and then just one,
I stumble, again and again....

And then the lights come back on,
and i look up and see the figures,
Dark outlines against a blinding light,
Laughing, jeering, cheering at my plight,
As they watch and slight,
My every effort to get back up.

Lying there I look back again,
And watch the surf sweep onto the sand,
cover every open wound, the pain,
and freeze for an instant,
a minute, a year, an eternity,
and then sweep back,
leaving nothing but an empty canvas,
no history, no footprints,
no dark outlines, no memories,
just a new beginning,
and life goes on. Again.

The AC is too cold...

Start out with a blank slate,
open road stares you in the face,
you take the bait
and with a shifty unsure gait,

you are on the forsaken ground,
nobody with you
take a look around,
take in the lack of sights and sound

alone in infnity,
surrounded by nothingness,
you just want things to be
just want to taste, smell, feel

life for the first time,
all over again

Day turns to noon,
noon to night,
Howl at the moon,
the poet's plight

The rhyme is dead,
He's turned to glass,
In her head,

Seeing through him,
Seeing through her,
Reality is grim

The truth is out to see,
The storm's in his head,
He wants to flee

The empty streets,
The lonely crowds,
The deafening silences,
The indifference....

Miserably falling in love,
Miserably falling out,
Falling, Falling, Falling,
The endless abyss of doubt.

new beginings

'When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself.' - Ernest Hemingway (A moveable feast)

underexposed

Check out some of my photography on flickr....

www.flickr.com/photos/akshay_underexposed/

Post some comments there or email or scrap me on orkut....

akshayroongta@gmail.com

druken cycle epiphany

Hurtling down the highway, the wind is in my hair, I'm buzzed, there is almost no traffic at all, the chill of the night wrapped around me like a tight cocoon. The music in my ears is the last thing that completes this whole feeling of ecstacy and just when you think you're doing fine, you hear the pop, a clanking. so i reluctantly stop the cycle and the chain's come off.....

Strong metaphor for life in general, i mean think about it, one minute life is fine you're excited, you're happy... next minute, there are rabid dogs chasing you and the chains come off the cycle...

So i'm kneeling there on a state highway, in the middle of the night on a decent enough high thanks to the quality products provided by Mr. Mallya... Anyways I just guess when life is going that good the chain coming off in a way just acts as one those checks so that you don'e get too carried away. Stop, Look and Listen......

So anyways i'm at one of those points right now... College couldn't get worse, (incident that we're not mentioning nowadays, makin jokes but not too many)*, now things have changed but cmon its still in my head right.... So what do you do..... New beginning, wipe the slate clean.... So I'm going to tell you what i'm grateful about....

I'm intelligent, funny and quite adventurous, wild. I have atleast three great friends Aditi, Hemant, Sid.... and an amazingly cool family.... and most importantly I have the potential of making it...

Where do i want to make it? What do i want in life?

Short term: Freelance work so i can make enough money for all these trips i have planned, and finish a portfolio by February so I get a great firm because i know once i'm in ill blow them away.... Don't i always... that's another thing i'm grateful for... give me enough time and if there is something that requires me to apply my mind i'll get there sooner or later... so long term.. what do i want five years after i pass out... I want to be working for a firm abroad and live the sitcom life... Wish you could take your friends wherever, like they're some appliance or something... because i can't do this all on my own, i'm no superman..... i need my support system...

Anyways, I know what I want, no wait, I can think about what i want, don't know it, don't feel it yet..... mental note... work on that...

So the chain is back on...the ear phones go back and life is back on track well as much on track as the next guy.... and then you come to the turn for vimannagar.... left or straight... into the unknown? another day...another story... another metaphor.... Temet Nosce...

*if you completely dont know... well..lets just say.. it's soap opera worthy and slightly traumatic for me and everyone else involved as well....

Middle of the night,
Candles' burning low,
Spirits' in the glass,
Spirit's in me,
Spirits are low,
Spirit is high,
Feeling is the problem,
Numb would be fun,
Tolerable anyways,
Emotion, Love, Betrayal,
Thinking you know,
thinking you feel,
thinking,thinking,thinking,
Can't be one of the herd,
stand outside, isolated,
by thought, by choice,
Candle burns out,
Step into the cold night,
Wandering aimless, confused, broken,
The streets are dead,
My soul comes alive,
Solitude and a good tune,
its in my head,
The pain is real,
The joy was in my head,
Life was a farce,
Too weak to break away,
Weak, hurt, broken
Weak,hurt,broken
Need to stay away....

here goes nothing - II

second time i'm attempting this.... here's a piece i have down to memory...

Several conversations end abrubtly,
Silences deafen,
Stuck on gaya's melancholy,
With my quiet brethren...